JJ8: The Movie

Exterior shots of Brooklyn. Blue skies, a man pushing an ice cart down the street. CRANE SHOT DOWN to RAJU [Kal Penn] in Prospect Park, throwing a wiffle ball in the air and swinging a bat at it. Portrait of a man alone. He chases the ball underneath a tree.

RAJU REACTION SHOT: What's this!?!

RAJU has spotted a leather brief case. He looks around, opens it. BARS OF GOLD—the light glints in his face, he has to shield his eyes it is so bright (metaphor??).

INTERIOR: SOLOMON AND ASHLEY'S APARTMENT

SOLOMON [Wilmer Valderama] smokes from a giant bong [CGI?]. RAJU barges in. The bong hits the floor! Solomon is "bummed."

SOLOMON
What the fuck!?!

RAJU
Look what I found!

He shows SOLOMON what's in the briefcase.

SOLOMON
Oh shit, kid.

ASHLEY [Mily Cyrus as Hannah Montana] is hard at work in her architecture studio. She is DISTRACTED by all the noise. She comes into the living room, ALL BUSINESS.

ASHLEY
What are you two idiots screaming about?

ASHLEY REACTION SHOT: She sees the GOLD!

ASHLEY
Where did that come from?!

All three look at eachother: That's a good question!

RAJU
What should we do?

ASHLEY
We need legal advice.

EXTERIOR of a Manhattan SKYRISE. The sunlight glints off the glass. HARD CLOSE-UP of a STRIPPER'S BARE ASS. Pull back to reveal a LINE OF COKE, parallel to the ass crack. Pull back further, to reveal a nostril doing the LINE OF COKE (snorting sound effect). Pull back further, we see the face attached to the nostril: ATHAS, ATTORNEY AT LAW (Jake Gyllenhal). Pull back further: THE STRIPPER IS DEAD!

Sound effect: Ringing phone.

ATHAS calmly wipes his brow with the HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL he has used to do the line. Flicks it at the dead stripper.

ATHAS
(Bad-ass)
For your trouble.

ATHAS pushes a button on his mammoth desk. Behind him, windows open to an incredible view of Manhattan. (Message: The world is at his feet.)

ATHAS (Speaking into an intercom)
Another one of these strippers died, Miss Jones. Will you take care of that?

ATHAS answers the phone.

ATHAS
Hello?

INTERCUT to RAJU, talking on SOLOMON and ASHLEY'S phone.

RAJU
Hey, it's your old college roommate, Raju. [=exposition]

ATHAS puts his feet on the desk as a DISPOSAL TEAM IN HAZMAT SUITS enters his office and dumps the body in a vat of acid (sizzling sound).

ATHAS
Yes, of course, and I haven't forgotten I owe you big time. [=more exposition]

RAJU
Yes, you do. And now it's time to call in a favor. (Raju smirks.) I found a briefcase full of gold.

ATHAS sits up: WOW!

ATHAS
Wow! A briefcase full of gold?!

SUDDENLY, a member of the HAZMAT team pulls off his mask. It is JON ROSS (Steve Buscemi). He brandishes a shotgun.

ATHAS
(Totally surprised)
What are you doing here!?!

JON ROSS
I've been waiting for this a long time.

BOOM BOOM BOOM! (Shot gun blasts)

ATHAS' BODY CRASHES BACKWARD THROUGH THE GLASS AND HE TUMBLES OVER A HUNDRED STORIES!!! He starts to fall in SLO-MO. [MUSIC CUE: The Harder They Fall by Jimmy Cliff.]

JON ROSS smirks. He is cold-blooded.

Back in the APARTMENT, RAJU here's the beepbeep of a dead phone line. He looks at Solomon and Ashley quizzically.

Then, a chirping SOUND! RAJU checks his VERIZON SLIDE (Product placement). ATHAS managed to send a text message before he impacted on the sidewalk. RAJU reads the text message aloud:

"Trust no one."

Slow fade to JON ROSS staring out the broken window at the MESS BELOW, a MURDEROUS SMIRK on his face.

TITLE CARD:
JOHN JAY 8: PART I: BLOOD SPORT: THE DOCTOR GOES BAD