Presenting a new and (hopefully) recurring blog feature: HE SAID/SHE SAID with The Contessa and Mattie-O. Tentative format of "next day's gchat log" may someday graduate to actual coherent paragraphs, but we feel the casual milieu lends itself well to the snark we're sure will be the feature's hallmark.
Anyway, here are our thoughts on DRIVE. Spoilers are in white text, so you'll have to highlight them after you see the movie or decide you don't care because fuck DRIVE and the horse it rode in on, amirite?
On with the show!
4:15 PM The Contessa: I realized while going to sleep last night that that fucking douchebag director thinks he made his own Taxi Driver4:16 PM instead of a socially awkward psycho, he misstepped and created a mentally retarded psycho. and then had him keep his shirt on. Bull. Shit.
4:20 PM Mattie-O: yeah i read something to that effect in a review todayor anyway called out the relationship as being like the Travis/Jodie Foster one in TD
4:21 PM The Contessa: gross. I hate that movie even more. Also, way to equate a grown woman and single mother with a 13 year old prostitute4:22 PM Mattie-O: She looked about 13 though
4:23 PM I was about to say its probably impossible to combine the "cool, calculated loner" archetype with the "violently psychotic loner" archetypebut then I remembered Lee Marvin in Point Blank
so basically, Drive = failed Point Blankwith color pallette imported from Point Break
and also, for a movie called DRIVE, he really didn't do enough driving4:27 PM The Contessa: indeed. You know what I'm seeing in 1 hour? The French Connection.
Suck it DRIVE.4:29 PM Mattie-O: WTF was Albert Brooks' character thinking at the end anyway? I thought he was supposed to be smart enough to not get stabbed to death
ou had ALL DAY to plan that murderThe Contessa: he wasn't smart enough to not be the jesus figure though, so he's dead!
4:30 PM that was the most pretentious 95 minutes i have ever spent with you4:31 PM and we saw Inland Empire AND that survelliance tower Wim Wenders movie together
Mattie-O: uh, LOST HIGHWAY OPERA Christynever forget
The Contessa: Oh my godI TOTALLY forgot
that was the worst. I think the Jack Daniels and PTSD wiped that from my memory4:32 PM Mattie-O: the worst part is that we dressed up nice...making us complicit in the pretense of it being not a high-school production
4:33 PM The Contessa: Bakersfield High's production of FAME is offended by your comment4:34 PM Mattie-O: yeah true, RHS New Players was 200x better than that shit
4:35 PM oh, another amusing-to-me tangent:4:36 PM so, pretty much every review of Drive mentions Le Samourai as an antecedent
which, not sure if you've seen it, but Refn fucking wishes...Alain Delon is cool personified in it4:37 PM but because of that I forgot that his character does actually have a name
the dorkiest name for a badass in all of movies I thinkJef Costello!
then I remembered that today and laughed4:38 PM The Contessa: I'm glad you can laugh about something associated with Drive,
it just makes me angrier and angrier when I think of it.Mattie-O: i'm still laughing about that 4 minute elevator smooch too
4:39 PM The Contessa: the most uncomfortable 4 minutes I've ever spent in an elevator. And I've been trapped in an elevator during a blizzard4:40 PM about 11 people on facebook were just creaming themselves about the movie
I am unfriending them allways for me to unfriend you - stalking me and liking DRIVE. That's it
4:41 PM Mattie-O: well, in retrospect, I definitely didn't hate it as much as you did, but all the shit I didn't like was in the 2nd half4:42 PM really I was disappointed that the heist scene/car chase ended too early. that was pretty well staged
he ron pearlman death not so much4:43 PM what was the point of that fucking mask? other than a strained stupid metaphor
The Contessa: but the first half was all lady porn done by a misogynist. Ryan Gosling builds cars, doesn't talk, carries kids to their rooms, doesn't try to touch you ever. Ladies are stupid and unsexual mommy cows. They LOVE that stuff!4:44 PM I did like the 80s movie credits car chase though
Mattie-O: yeah that was good...too bad the 80s music got MUCH worse as it went alongThe Contessa: yes. it. did. WOW
4:45 PM Mattie-O: and also yes to the weird non-sexuality of that relationship. 10 of the first 30 min was them just staring at each other waiting for some characters to just develop on their ownThe Contessa: don't worry. they didn't.
4:46 PM that mask still infuriates me.Mattie-O: now imagine that movie without cranston, perlman, or brooks
its tough to get so little out of such a good supporting cast4:47 PM = backhanded REFN DIS
4:48 PM The Contessa: nice.4:50 PM Mattie-O: xtina hendricks shoulda been the main girl maybe
or not in the movie at all4:51 PM The Contessa: I was trying to think of some clever movie to refer to say what it would be cranston, et al. and I couldn't think of ANYTHING that would be that offputting, oddly paced and completely uncomfortably boringly bad
not in the movie at allshe's better than that
4:52 PM Mattie-O: so i'm told. i think this was my first time seeing her in anythingother than spilling out of a dress on the red carpet somewhere
The Contessa: Solomon refers to her as BOOBS! Now, unfortunately, I do too every time I see her.4:53 PM She was in that movie with Katherine Heigl and Fergie's husband.
I wish we had seen that instead4:54 PM Mattie-O: that sounds like the worst movie ever
4:55 PM esp. if Fergie were also in itThe Contessa: but no one else would think it's a life-changing cinematic event
4:56 PM like everyone does about fucking DRIVEMattie-O: it needed more close ups of his scorpion jacket
4:57 PM not sure I got bludgeoned over the head with that metaphor enough timesThe Contessa: not even when he asked Albert Brooks if he knew that story of the frog and the scorpion?
4:58 PM was it even a metaphor anymore at that point?5:00 PM Mattie-O: i'm sure the only reason he didn't recite the whole thing is to maintain the "minimalism"
The Contessa: and also because it had abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING to do with what was actually happening5:01 PM besides his jacket
alright. I'm out of here5:03 PM to go see a good movie with a car chase, great casting and subtlety that makes sense
Mattie-O: well it was a pretty boss jacketThe Contessa: I now know what to get you for xmas
5:04 PM too bad all the NYU film students in the audience have already flooded ebay looking for it!Mattie-O: "so cinematic"
5:05 PM "you just didn't get it baby"The Contessa: "I just want tell you how much I feel about the movie"