News That's Fit to Print Over and Over

This news story made my day. It's got everything:

• Douchebag bad guy who's a hedge fund manager, lives in Armonk, has last name ends in "III", and drives a big SUV.
• A faked suicide
• A guest appearance by the bear mountain bridge
• The M*A*S*H theme song
• The implication of a bunch of bumbling police officers (Specifically, "When the [suicide] message turned out to be the theme song of ”M*A*S*H,” the authorities began to suspect he was on the run.")

Hats off to Times reporter, Abha Bhattari, whose career I will now follow closely.

UPDATE: Did I miss this story as it developed? More great douchebag details and quotes!:

• He attended the Hackley School in Tarrytown, NY. For the locals, this speaks volumes.
• Mr. Israel oversaw a high-tech trading floor, which featured pet snakes encased in aquariums, while he rented a $32,000-a-month mansion in Mount Kisco from Donald J. Trump.
• “Ever since I can remember, I met people everywhere that have told me they know my family either directly or by reputation,” he wrote. “I cheated my investors because I was afraid to admit my failure. I did not want the world to think I was not good enough and I did not want my family to see me as a failure.”
• “when what I perceived as divine intervention occurred in the form of the fictitious investment programs, I leapt at the opportunity,”
• Plus this wonderful photo gallery: