Not only will this advert win me the woman of my dreams (25, tall, brunette, fun, likes late nights, computer games and Pop Tarts), it also wins me a place at the grown-ups’ table. Errant son, 18, swapping Dad’s Hustler subscription for this crap for the last two years.
box no. 31/02
Dear LRB, I have no money. Please run my advert for free. I want a woman who is 38. Let her know I’m really clever and good-looking. Thanks.
box no. 31/03
Everyone. My life is a mind-numbing cesspit of despair and self-loathing. Just fuck off. Or else write back and we’ll make love. Gentleman, 37.
box no. 31/05
If you’re reading this hoping for a mini-biopic about battles with drugs, cancer and divorce, talk to the guy above. But if you want to know about historical battle sites in Scotland, talk to me. Alan, 45. Scottish historical battle expert and BDSM fetishist.
box no. 31/06
I make my own sexual lubricant. The secret ingredient is Bovril. Man, 56. Congleton.
box no. 31/07
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I am moving to London right now. Call me 31/06! (Or 31/05... we actually have a lot in common).
ReplyDeleteHahaha. FYI, since I didn't know what it is, I looked up Bovril...."is the trademarked name of a thick, salty beef extract, developed in the 1870s by John Lawson Johnston and sold in a distinctive, bulbous jar." And here is the amazing website http://www.bovril.co.uk/
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