JJ8 The Movie: Cont'd Again

MATT BURNETTE-LEMON [Hayden Christensen] is in the STUDIO. He wears BIG HEADPHONES. Behind the glass, MATT is producing a MASH-UP of the Jonas Brothers and TV on the Radio (cross-demographic appeal). MATT turns a nob, and the music ROCKS SO MUCH THE MIXING BOARD explodes.

MATT nods in satisfaction: Ooooooh yeeeeaaaah.

SUDDENLY, the studio door swings open. In rushes GABI [Sir Ben Kingsley].

GABI
Bad news, dude. They raised our rent. We have to close our dual production music/film studio.

MATT takes this in.

MATT
(into a MIC)
Take five, guys.

TV on the RADIO shoots heroin. THE JONAS BROTHERS start combing each other's hair (for the tweenagers).

MATT
(to GABI)
We have to close down the studio!? Dammit. What are we going to do?

GABI
We need money. (=character motivation)

They THINK. The intensity of THINKING makes them SWEAT. GABI wipes the SWEAT from his brow with a HANKY.

MATT raises a single eyebrow: Hmm…

GABI also raises an eyebrow: Mm? (Music cue: Car Wash, as performed by the Jonas Bros. and TV on the Radio)

CUT TO a parking lot where the boys have set up a CAR WASH. It is like a big party, with lots of FANCY VINTAGE CARS. But Matt and Gabi just COLLECT THE MONEY. They have gotten GIRLS [Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansen, Beyonce] to do the car washing. The girls spray each other with the hose. GABI and MATT high-five: This is great!

DAVE [Jason Bateman, from Teen Wolf 2] drives up in a LAMBORGHINI.

DAVE
You guys have room for one more?

GABI
Wow, where did you get that car?

DAVE
(Slyly)
You know my golden rule. Silence is as good as gold.

MATT and GABI look at each other and shrug: what could that mean? [The audience gets it, though.]

Suddenly, a BLACK HAWK helicopter appears overhead. It's blades make a CHOPPING SOUND in the air: whirwhirwhir. LOTS OF SHOTS of the people looking up at the HELICOPTER.

The pilot of the HELICOPTER is wearing a GAS MASK so you can't SEE HIS FACE. He flips a RED SWITCH.

THE LAMBORGHINI EXPLODES. Then it EXPLODES AGAIN IN SLOW MOTION. Like, ten different shots of the LAMBORGHINI EXPLODING.

The HELICOPTER PILOT looks down at the wreckage he has caused. He is OMINOUS because we can't SEE HIS FACE. Suddenly, he PULLS OFF HIS MASK. IT IS JON ROSS.

The helicopter flies away from the destroyed car. MUSIC CUE: A MELANCHOLY version of Car Wash by Radiohead.

Then, POV shot of JON IN THE HELICOPTER through a little circle surrounded by black. The CAMERA WHIPS AROUND: JOSH and JOE are watching the 'chopper through old timey spyglasses. They wear CAMO.

They look at each other.

JOSH
(Philosophically)
The enemy is us.

JOE
(Last shred of innocence burning in the fire of the longing for revenge-ly)
Yeah.