My Manny Theory

There seems to be all this mystery around Manny Ramirez's personality—to such a degree that some feel his behavior can only be captured via tautology: Manny being Manny. However, I think Manny told us everything we needed to know about him when he used Afroman's "Because I Got High" as his batting music. I think Manny's just a pothead. He gets high before batting practice, he gets high on off-days, he sneaks into the Monster to get high during the seventh-inning stretch. In this context, everything he does makes total sense. He's oblivious to everything that's happening around him yet he always seems cool with it, even when he's complaining. He shows up late a lot. He says things that only make sense to him. He has dreads.

But the ultimate Manny Being High moment came in last night's BOS-CLE game, when he hit a solo home run to put his team behind by four runs—and dropped his bat and threw his arms up in victory. Again, score after the home run: 7-3, Cleveland. But Manny only did what everyone does when they're high and they make a great ping-pong shot, or score a long TD in Madden: throw down your paddle, or Xbox controller, or—in Manny's case—bat, and throw up your arms in celebration. I've probably done this a thousand times, most recently after beating Stephen Fischbach at Buck Hunter at Doc's. It doesn't matter that the achievement has no larger significance—you have to let the world know what you just did. Yeah, Manny's home run didn't change the result of the game—but he just hit a home run! After two other guys hit home runs! Yes!!!