Dear Mr. Sandler,

We here at the Official Chile Cook Off Review Board (OCCORB) greatly appreciate your efforts to uphold the tenets of competition excellence championed by OCCORB since 1814. Due to the persuasiveness and compelling rhetoric of your letter, we have chosen to investigate this incident, despite the fact that it was not an officially sanctioned OCCORB event. Please be advised in the future that you must register future Cook Offs with OCCORB at least 90 days prior to the event and you must follow all OCCORB protocol in conducting the Cook Off in order to be considered for future OCCORB discretionary review.

Our highly skilled OCCORB investigators launched their inquiry into your “Chile Con Carne (-Val)” event shortly after receipt of your letter. Our team interviewed witnesses, participants, neighbors, chile experts, and psychologists specializing in the field of Sexual Influence in Chile Competitions (SIICC). Furthermore, they obtained the discarded bowls used for the taste test in the dumpster in your building’s basement. From these bowls, our scientists were able to pull samples of the different entrants and conducted several tests.

Based on our findings, OCCORB has concluded that the results of your “Chile Con Carne (-Val)” are legitimate. In fact, we would like to officially congratulate your taste testers on conducting such a professional and thorough analysis of the chiles entered while being unaware of OCCORB’s longstanding “Taste of Excellence” judging guidelines. Furthermore, based on our scientific studies of the chile samples themselves, we must applaud the quality and consistency of the chiles involved.

In conclusion, we are grateful for your concern and willingness to sponsor and police a competition related to our area of expertise. Please feel free to order the following publications (available at bookstores everywhere) for your future events.

Sincerely,

Martha Flachulentz
AVP OCCORB

Publications:
The Official Chile Cook Off Review Board Guidelines
Some Like it Hot: A Guide to Spice in Chile Competitions
Hotter than Hell: When Chile Goes Too Far
Chiles of the World: A 22 Month Calendar