THE CANDY RAP!

WE'RE BACK!

A lot has changed since I established as the Internet's premiere reviewer of candy. In fact, these sweet babies were likely no more than a controversial memo at Mars corporate HQ. Luckily, they're here when we need them most:

RATING: FIVE GLUTTON NUGGETS!

Next week: Cadbury Creme Eggs. You hoarded them. Learn how to store them!

Bizarro Times

It's the Kiwi versions of Raju and Dave!

Wanna get high and then feel even higher???

This non-orchestral minimalist modern opera is the freakiest shit out there. Based on fragments of a Gertrude Stein novel, looped by various dudes singing in ear-shattering falsetto, each voice exploring the fact that they are locked into lives they don't understand and yet are deeply in love with, the longer you listen, the more it will feel like an looming psychiatric break.

Start by checking out track 6: Part Three: If any one is sad enough

Then jump to the Ballet of Repetition or the final minute of Part 2: David's Song for Julia

Then just give in. Once you submit to its weird ways you can listen all the way through and wonder whether all your emotions were always just a simulation projected from Gertrude Stein's Paris drawing room in 1905.

In short, six blog thumbs up! Fill your blog bong and inhale. Your quarantine will be richer. You will feel slightly crazier. And the America that led to this current fucked up moment will make no more sense, but will become broader deeper filthier and more heartbreaking.

The Blog Abides

Thinking of y'all! Be safe, be solitary, be well.

Ashley!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanksgiving 2015: Doomcake



Make me

Wake the bird up!

Approaching a year since the last post, so had to launch emergency measures.

bird to the mic

please share your deep-seated and undoubtedly complex feelings with us. 250 word limit.

Fantasy Draft Spending

Sorry non-fantasy football players. I had to use the blog as a staging area.

Who is Matt Harvey???

NL All-Star Starting Pitcher...that's who!

A Vital Missive From the Zone

In Good Company

Bieber pulls a page from the A-man playbook Athas, you're a studded hat and a pair of drop-crotch pants away from teen stardom.

Proof that San Francisco does really make you gay...

My new favorite music video.  

Where I'm at

Bomb first. And, "Hawaiian Sophie fame."

In case you're stressing on this Friday

What else is there to do besides relax?

Something for the weekend

Speaking of destructive hamburgers...

Blind Item

Came across this email thread from 2001, too good to resist putting it up. Maybe it made sense in context? Anyway, guess who, and really, what. (Note: Read from the bottom up.)


SUBJ: Re: looking back. 


4/18/10

self-destructive behavior= 7am breakfast of tops "we're hamburger people"
boxed hamburgers.


On Wed, 18 Apr 2001, xxxx wrote:

Self-destructive behavior... Self-destructive behavior can't ya see...
something something in misery... 

--- xxxx wrote:

i should have had food poisoning.
ow.

Sunday afternoon B-B-B-BOMBS

One of the coolest white guys of all time.

Do You Like Hugs?

In a strange way, I find that the lyrical inanity really adds something to this song. I feel like I probably wouldn't listen to it 40 times a day if it had "good" lyrics.

How indeed?

This is just to note that there is currently an article on The Atlantic titled "How Can the US be More Like Germany?" and this is the actual graphic that accompanies it.