THE CANDY RAP!

WE'RE BACK!

A lot has changed since I established as the Internet's premiere reviewer of candy. In fact, these sweet babies were likely no more than a controversial memo at Mars corporate HQ. Luckily, they're here when we need them most:

RATING: FIVE GLUTTON NUGGETS!

Next week: Cadbury Creme Eggs. You hoarded them. Learn how to store them!

Bizarro Times

It's the Kiwi versions of Raju and Dave!

Wanna get high and then feel even higher???

This non-orchestral minimalist modern opera is the freakiest shit out there. Based on fragments of a Gertrude Stein novel, looped by various dudes singing in ear-shattering falsetto, each voice exploring the fact that they are locked into lives they don't understand and yet are deeply in love with, the longer you listen, the more it will feel like an looming psychiatric break.

Start by checking out track 6: Part Three: If any one is sad enough

Then jump to the Ballet of Repetition or the final minute of Part 2: David's Song for Julia

Then just give in. Once you submit to its weird ways you can listen all the way through and wonder whether all your emotions were always just a simulation projected from Gertrude Stein's Paris drawing room in 1905.

In short, six blog thumbs up! Fill your blog bong and inhale. Your quarantine will be richer. You will feel slightly crazier. And the America that led to this current fucked up moment will make no more sense, but will become broader deeper filthier and more heartbreaking.